these will be a series of devlogs regarding different topics related to talisman of dawn's process. i'm not sure how many they'll be, but i'll try to keep it short. if you have any questions or suggestions of topics, you can say in the comments! thank you. i hope you enjoy.

WARNING: they'll probaby have spoilers so be aware!!!!!

why would an aromantic write about marriage?

ramblings about an aromantic vision of marriage, queer identity and amatonormativity.

drawing of sher and shariar with modern wedding clothes. look at them. so precious...

UNTIL DEATH DO US PART

marriage is a fascinating topic to me. it's a thing i realistically fear and that i idealistically love. people throw that word really quick and really without thinking. "oh, you two should marry!", "i'm going to marry (them)!" and to me, marriage always felt like this trap you could never escape from -- i was christian, to be fair. and too traditional-minded for my own good.

i've never grew with good examples of marriage. my parents's one was horrible, for starters. their friends also had terrible marriages. our relatives ALSO had terrible marriages. you can see that in the way i portray both sher's and shariar's relatives. it's not something i picked out of nowhere. it's something i lived with, and for so long! it felt like a horror movie -- everyone traumatized daily by their terrible partners and then turning to me, smiling, and saying "one day you'll marry too! you need to! it's going to happen to you whether you want it or not!" and it always made me so damn terrified.

as i grew up, i realized many things about me, about my parents, about people around us and, in the end, about my vision of marriage itself. i'm still working on it, to be honest. this game is part of that. i realized that when i love someone (platonically, since i'm aro-ace), i tend to think of marrying them. and for a while i was really confused about that -- why marriage if i don't love them romantically?. and the answer was -- when i love someone very much, i tend to consider them my family. i want to make them my family. and marriage is the easiest way to do that, in an "official" way, at least. that's an answer i got while working on this game. and that's the end of the game itself -- sher and shariar becoming a family.

it's funny because if you ignore the journey they went through it, they seem like a regular couple. just a few more steps in-between. allos may think "they ended like a "normal" family, didn't they?" i imagine. maybe they do, at first glance. but they aren't. they really aren't. and i think it's really annoying because sometimes people dismiss queer experiences because they look "normal" -- aros can date. aces can have sex. bisexuals can have heterosexual relationships. polys can be in a monogamous marriage. trans people can look like their assigned gender. at first glance, it looks like their queer identity doesn't matter. but it does. it so fucking does, oh my god. and i really wanted to show that. we can't forget that. we can't deny people their own identity.

so i guess i just wanted to talk about marriage in a way that made sense to me, while also showing all the terror that i had to endure with it before i discovered i was aro. it is FRUSTRATING to be aro, for god's sake!!!!!!!!! i can't imagine how it felt like to people before they had names for it. it absolutely sucks.

another reason i made this game is because i HATE the forced marriage trope. why? because most of the time it's UNREALISTIC. you marry a guy you don't know, then you see him shirtless then SUDDENLY everything is great about that marriage???????????????????????? HELLO????????????????? FORCED MARRIAGE IS MY ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE you could NOT make me change my mind about it. "ah but its because its a romantic fantasy-" I DONT CAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fun(?) fact: i remember that someone asked me if sher would eventually fall for shariar since she is only ace, not aro. the answer is: she wouldn't. she doesn't love him that way. in the same way he doesn't feel sexually attracted to her (even if he's aro-allo). they are just really good friends unironically LMAO (i discovered, while making this game, that this type of marriage is called "lavender marriage"...)

AMATONORMATIVITY

amatonormativity is the assumption that all people want to pursue romantic relationships. it's the relatives asking you if you found someone yet, it's the acquaintances asking if you're dating your friend because you're close to them, it's yourself asking if you want to date someone just because you like them very much. it's the countless movies where the hero is graced with a love interest and a kiss at the end, as a reward for their hard work. it's the assumption you're in love, or that you will be in love, for better or for worse. it's the smug smile after you vulnerably says you like spending time with someone. it's the guy friend saying that he has to "tell you something" after you did something nice to him. it's everywhere, and it's a goddamn disease.

i won't say that romance isn't good. it's fun. i like playing romance games. i like getting all the characters. but that's because it's in a game, and in a game no one is really expecting me to do anything. it's all scripted, and i choose whatever ending i want. but that's not how it happens in real life.

sex, romance, these things are taken for "granted". if you "like" someone, you're expected to confess, you're expected to have romantic feelings for them, you're expected to enter a relationship, and you're expected to have sex with them. that's amatonormativity.

before i discovered i was aro, i've caught myself always expecting me to have romantic feelings. i loved my friends very much, and i thought that my affection was a sign of a crush -- so i thought i had MANY crushes (not all at the same time, but one after the other). but as i got closer to them, as i tried to think of them romantically, the "crush" would disappear. and i would ask myself -- what the hell? isn't this what you wanted? why are you worried about them looking at you as a Girl(tm)? tldr: i was LOST.

then i discovered i was ace. and then, that i was aro. and goddamn, finding out about the "amatonormativity" word opened my eyes. so, i had to make something about it. i NEEDED. i couldn't imagine how many people like me would feel as GREAT and RELIEVED as i did when i found out. i wanted to show it SOMEWHERE. i wanted it to be in a STORY, i wanted to make it in a way that people could absorb it and think and experience it. i didn't know many aro-ace stories (i still don't know many, but i'm finding more!)

so, you can see that amatonormativity is EVERYWHERE in tod. EVERYWHERE. from sher to shariar to mudhik and all relatives. (i think the only character that is not affected by it is duna.) AND YOU CAN SEE HOW IT SUCKS. IT ABSOLUTELY SUCKS.

so please i beg you if you play this game and read this devlog please be lovable with your friends. don't be making romantic assumptions left and right unless people are comfortable with it. love them and tell them how platonic it is. if there's anything i want you to learn with this game is to be nice to others and receive kindness not expecting it to become a romantic relationship. please. please....!!

and i think that's it for today's devlog. i ended up writing a lot more than i expected lmaoo all of it is just rambling anyway... i hope you enjoyed it. there's still have more to come, so stay tuned!!